Muppets

I mean no disrespect to the late Jim Henson (may he rest in peace). He was an amazing artist who, through his medium, magically inspired millions of children. With that said, I HATE THE MUPPETS. There. I said it. Now you know the truth about what kind of a person I am.

I liked Sesame Street when I was like 3 years old. But I quickly outgrew it. As you can see, I was very mature. In fact, when I watched Sesame Street I really only liked the parts when there were real adults acting. My favorite was when they did the number 10 with the Falling Baker. He would come out carrying different desserts, 2 chocolate cream pies, 3 birthday cakes, and so on, culminating in "10 Chocolate Layer Cakes!" After he brought out each dessert he would slip and fall down a flight of stairs with the desserts landing on him. Oh, how my sister and I would howl with laughter, especially after the 10 chocolate layer cakes smothered him. Which, by the way, is such a waste of chocolate! A travesty, I tell you.



Before school let out one day in second grade, Mrs. Johnson reminded all of us that "The Muppets" would be airing that night for the first time and we should all watch it. All of the kids let out a 'hurrah'. Whatever. I would watch it and check it out, but it was going to be really hard to impress this girl. I watched it and I thought it was the stupidest waste of time.

The next day at school everyone was talking about it and how wonderful it was. Even Mrs. Johnson enjoyed it. What was she thinking? I idolized Mrs. Johnson but she had now fallen down a few notches with her admission of actually liking That Show. Afraid of being shunned or chased out of town, I gave a half-hearted, "Yeah, yeah. That was really cool.", all the while saying to myself, "What the f*** is wrong with these people?" By the way, when I was in second grade I thought the "F" word was "Fart", just so you know how the above sentence really reads.

Fast forward, what, 30-some-odd years later and Devarshi rents "The Muppet Movie" for the boys to watch. I really did try to watch it with an open mind. No, really, I really did. It wasn't happening. I STILL HATE THE MUPPETS! I would catch myself sitting there with this grimace on face, curling my lip in disgust as I tried to watch the movie. It was so painful. I couldn't help but make nasty comments about the characters, which really interfered with everyone else's enjoyment of the show. So, I quit watching and played Scramble on the computer.

Why don't I like the Muppets? I don't know. I just don't. Their voices are like nails on a chalkboard to me. They are ugly, not cute, ugly. Don't even get me started on Beeker or Miss Piggy or The Swedish Chef. I shudder just picturing them in my mind's eye.

Devarshi says I am a Communist for not liking The Muppet Show. He says it is un-American of me. So, call me an un-American Communist. I've been called worse. Just don't ever call me a Muppet Lover. Thems is fightin' words.