I'm sorry

My dad is back in the hospital. Ugh. What a nightmare this has been. Even so, I feel like I have no right to complain too much. At least today, right now, I still have my dad. Life is so very precious. Such a cliche, but it is the truth.

Years ago I made a promise to myself that I would make amends to people whom I had hurt in one way or another, whether intentional or not. There were also people that I didn't necessarily hurt, but just wanted to touch base with and clear up possible misunderstandings or unfinished business.

At the time of making this promise to myself many of the people to whom I needed to apologize were no longer a part of my life and I had no way of knowing whether or not they were even alive. Obviously, this was waaayyy before Facebook and Google search. I "put it out to the Universe" that if it were meant to be for me to make an amends to these people, let them fall into my path somehow. Until I found them, I would make a living amends to them.

Interestingly enough, I can think of 5 people off the top of my head that did fall into my path. A couple of these people landed in my life and I was able to make an amends or clear up some things, then they moved on, never to be seen or heard from again. With most, however, our friendship has been renewed and made stronger than before. I consider myself very lucky to have been granted this opportunity to ask for forgiveness, to be forgiven, to offer up forgiveness - not only to these individuals, but also to myself.

What power the words "I'm sorry" hold. There is a stupid line from "Love Story" that says, "Love is never having to say you're sorry." What a load of crap. Love is having to say you are sorry over and over again.

My father's serious injuries from the motorcycle accident and the ensuing critical medical problems have brought this "amends-making" promise to the forefront of my mind. Our time is short. The "I'm sorry"s and the "I love you"s can't wait until the deathbed. Sometimes there isn't a "deathbed" with time to say goodbye. Sometimes the Big Sleep begins in a ditch, or in an ambulance hooked up to machinery, or at the bottom of a lake, or during a nap while dreaming of a cow jumping of the moon, or...

Although a love song, whenever I hear this song I am reminded to be in the present and to forgive as well as ask to be forgiven:

Well open up your mind and see like me.
Open up your plans and damn you're free.
Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love.

Listen to the music of the moment, people.
Dance and sing.
We're just one big family,
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved.

So I won't hesitate no more, no more.
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short,
This is our fate.

Now, go out and forgive someone. Harder still, ask someone to forgive you. I double-dog-dare you.